Family Stories

• Jacob Thiede
• Aaron Michael Hayes
• Tristen Newby
• Emily Quan

One Family’s Story

God blessed our family, once again, on February 19, 1997 with a beautiful gift. We named him Jacob Edward Thiede.

The excitement began at the Dr.'s office when I went in for my weekly visit. While examining me, she said I was already 6 cm and that she was not going to let me go home. I was told to go to the hospital to have the baby. Jacob was born in less than three hours, and he was a perfect bundle of joy at 8 lbs 2 oz and 20 inches long. I was bursting with this intense feeling of love and pride just like I felt with my first child. I wanted to show the world how beautiful he was!

We brought him home to the small but welcoming arms of his big brother, Jordan, two years old. He immediately wanted to hold him. We were concerned about Jordan's acceptance of our new addition, but he was always gentle with Jacob as if he were his own baby doll. He was Mommy's big helper when it came to changing diapers and entertaining Jacob. Jordan would keep a close eye on Jacob, frequently letting me know what Jacob was doing while we drove in our van.

When I initially found out I was going to have another boy I thought, "Oh no! Three boys in my house!" I thought I would never have a chance (The third boy being my husband, Brian). How was I ever going to control this bunch? And who would go shopping with me? Jacob resembled his Dad so much. He had such a calm disposition. I often thought that he would be "Mommy's boy" as Jordan was "Daddy's boy". Jacob could help slow my pace down and Jordan could help pick Brian's up. Jacob had the biggest and brightest eyes! He had cheeks any grandmother would love to pinch. His smile could melt a stranger's heart. I loved the attention my family would receive when they saw us together with our two sons. I felt we were the perfect family.

We celebrated Jacob's birth by baptizing him on April 6, 1997 at King of Glory Lutheran Church. Our family as well as a few special friends were able to share the event. I felt very fortunate to be able to stay home with Jacob for a little more than three months. I dreaded the day I would return to work. With my schedule, the boys would only have to go to day care two day per week. Jordan was going to Children's World and Jacob would go to the same home day care Jordan used to attend.

Our horrible nightmare began on June 5, 1997. It was my second week back to work. Brian was on a two-week fishing trip with my Dad in the boundary waters of northern Minnesota. I received a phone call in my office from someone saying that they were at my house and they were with my baby. The first thought in my mind was that the alarm had gone off at my home and they had responded to it. But then the part with "your baby" came back. I was in shock. They weren't at my house but at my babysitter's house. I was then being told that they suspected my baby had died of SIDS and they were doing everything possible to resuscitate him.

A co-worker gave me a ride to the hospital and I walked into the trauma room where they were preparing for my son's arrival. They quickly whisked me off into an office where I could make my phone calls. I was panicking because I didn't know how I was going to reach Brian. There was no phone or electricity where he was fishing. I desperately needed him at this time. Brian's Dad knew how to get in touch with him. I felt like time had immediately begun to move very slowly and that my world was crashing down on top of me. I was in total disbelief that this was happening to my family and me. I remember thinking, "What did I do that I am being punished this way?"

I cherish the moments I was able to hold Jacob for the last time before they took him away. A few family members and friends came to the hospital offering their love and support. All I could think about was Brian and how I wished he were with me. I worried about him and how he would be able to drive to the airport, several hours away. The next flight he was able to take was the next morning. That was the longest night I have ever experienced in my life.

It has been four and a half months since Jacob died. We still await the final autopsy report. Living without an answer has been very hard for me. I know receiving the final report will create even more questions. We have felt every emotion there is possible to feel in a lifetime. We are truly exhausted. There were several days when we did not want to get out of bed and face the world, but Jordan would not allow it. He is our reminder that we must go on. I have many pictures of Jacob throughout my home and I do not plan to put them away. Jacob's memory will never die as long as we're alive. He lives on in us.

In Memory of Jacob Thiede

by Susan Thiede, Jacob's Mommy

My friends at Good Samaritan Hospital have been very supportive since the death of Jacob. On September 27, 1997 at Desert Breeze Park in Chandler, they arranged a "Living Tree" dedication service through the Parks and Recreation Department, in honor of Jacob. Our Pastor, Roger Gordon, was also there to provide a blessing. They donated a green Palo Verde tree with a bronze plaque that is placed at the base of the tree. It is inscribed "In loving memory of Jacob E. Thiede, 2-19-97 to 6-5-97". A co-worker, Jennifer Smith, wrote the following poem and read it at the dedication.

One Family’s Story

Aaron Michael Hayes was born December 12, 1996. He was welcomed into our family by his daddy, Brian, big brother Douglas, six years old and big sister, Ann, two years old. He was a beautiful and exciting addition to our family. Aaron was an easy going baby. Even though we had plenty of love in our family, we still worried about raising three children. Aaron's perfect fit into our home, however, assured us that it would be wonderful.

Aaron gave joy to everyone whose life he touched. His first Christmas was spent with his grandparents and aunt. Much of our time was spent noticing how unique he was from his brother and sister, and how much he resembled his daddy. Born 9 lbs 9 oz., we all thought he was going to be the greatest eater of all time! We baptized Aaron on February 2, 1997. The service was a blessing that gave us the chance to make Aaron a child of God. We are now comforted by the memory of his ceremony and we see it as a special gift. We celebrated that day with his godparents, who are also his grandparents, and his Aunt Jody. We treasure all the special moments we had together and because of our faith in God, we know that we shall have endless days with him in Heaven.

Aaron left his earthly home on February 12, 1997. He was not sick, but he never awoke from his nap. We later discovered that he had viral pneumonia, however, it was so much like a SIDS death, that we wonder if SIDS was the real cause. Somehow, we managed to make it through the first few days after his death. We had a Catholic Mass which was a great comfort to our family. Aaron was laid to rest at Holy Cross Cemetery. We did not realize that after the shock of his death wore off, that we would have so many painful days ahead.

It has now been six months since Aaron died. Not a day goes by without sadness and longing. We have started to live again and have some days that are easier than others. We found that talking about our feeling as a couple and as a family has helped us to understand each other. We had two counseling sessions with a nun which helped us as a couple. We also attended the parent to parent meeting which SIDS mom Kellie Gatewood held. It was a good experience for us and we met a wonderful couple with whom we can share our feelings. It does help to talk, but it is hard to hear the other families stories and pain. It also helps to know that you are not the only ones going through this struggle. We go to daily Mass which we find the best way to start everyday. We connect there with Aaron because we know that he is with God.

I don't think that it is possible to have the life we once knew, but I do know happiness does return and life is treasured even more. We have always loved being parents, but from now on we know each day is a gift. We keep many pictures of Aaron in our home because he will never be forgotten. We love you Aaron, our gentle giant, and we thank you for your prayers for they carry us through each day. We know you are no longer small, but a mighty prayer warrior for all those you love. We trust in our Heavenly Father's plan even though we don't understand. We wait for the time we will be together again and all our questions will be answered.

1 Corinthians 2:9 "Eye has not seen, ear has not heard, nor has it so much as dawned on man what God has prepared for those who loved him."

In Memory of Tristen

I went into labor September 18, 1996. After a difficult labor , my beautiful baby boys were born. Tristen was born first weighing 3 lbs and 3 ozs and Sabin weighed 4 lbs 4 ozs. They were flown to another hospital where they underwent test needles and tubes in every place imaginable. A week after their birth, I was able to see them for the first time. When they lifted the blanket off the incubator and opened the little door, I remember thinking, "He's so tiny." The nurse then handed him to me. I looked into his eyes and cried. My baby had to suffer so much! He always looked at me with his great big blue eyes, as if saying, "Help me" or "Just hold me." So I did.

On October 9, 1996 my babies were released. I was so happy! The next month was nothing but fun! I loved showing my beautiful twin boys off. Things took a turn for the worse when Tristan was unable to keep his food down. He had a blockage of the bowels. One month later, he would undergo surgery for a bowel blockage, caused from a double hernia. I cried the whole time he was in surgery. All I could do was pray. He was released three days later to a wonderful happy Thanksgiving Holiday. I was so proud of him.

On December 9, I went Christmas shopping. When I returned, I wrapped the presents and tried to put the twins to sleep. Tristen did not eat well and finally I fell asleep at 3:00 a.m. My husband checked on the boys at 7:00 a.m. and assuring me they were sound asleep. At 10:30 a.m. I went into the kitchen to prepare their bottles. As I walked into their room, Sabin was crying, so I picked him up. As I did, I looked over at Tristen, only seeing the back of his head. Concerned, I put Sabin down and picked up Tristan. What I saw when I turned his little body over, I'll never be able to erase from my mind. Black and blue marks all over his face. Spots of red all over. I shook him and ran as fast as I could to my neighbor's house. I screamed, "My BABY!" and "OH GOD WHY!"

When the paramedics brought my baby out of the house, I thought maybe he was still alive. They had him hooked up to all kinds of tubes and machine. So I prayed really hard this time, "God, please don't take my baby, please don't!" When I arrived at the hospital, I knew he was gone. They took me to a little room and told me my precious little son had been taken from me. I think there would have been less pain if someone had shot me at close range with a gun. The pain in my hear is so undescribable. No one can comprehend unless you have lost a piece of your soul, your child. In the weeks and months that followed, I waited and waited for the autopsy to come in so I could know the reason my son died. But the results cam back as, "He was perfectly healthy, nothing was wrong, nothing at all." "What about suffocation?" I asked. "No," she replied. "Brain abnormalities?" I asked. "No," she replied.

To this day, I still can find no answer. So please, for Tristen and all the other babies in the world, donate to this cause. Help us find a reason and help us prevent this from happening to other babies.

One Family’s Story

As Eric and I anxiously awaited the arrival of our first baby, we prayed for a healthy one--no matter what the sex. But I think both of us were hoping for a boy.

Emily Yuriko Quan came into this world on February 11, 1997. There was probably a little disappointment when she was born, but it lasted for about two seconds. She was two days shy of 40 weeks, but only weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz. She was perfect though and gained weight incredibly fast. In fact, she never went below her birth weight after she was born.

Before we knew it, we had this beautiful, chubby little girl. And this girl could eat. We were amazed at how much she would eat (and how loud she could burp!). Emily also loved to sleep just like her mommy. In the beginning we had to wake her up every four hours to eat, but she was gaining weight fine, so that didn't last long. When Emily was about a month old, she moved into her own room and was sleeping pretty much through the night--sometimes waking up once to eat.

We were very lucky. Emily really only cried when she was hungry or tired. She smiled a lot and loved to sit in her bouncer and play with the toys or lay on the ground with her gym above her. Her big brothers, Farmer and P.D. (our dogs) were always close by. Farmer liked to lay next to her on the floor with his head on her blanket. He was protecting his little sister.

At about 2 1/2 months, Emily was sleeping about eight hours at night--sometimes 11! We were so proud of our good little baby. We were never nervous parents constantly checking on her. SIDS was the furthest thing from my mind. I was thankful for the times she napped and could get things done, and her sleep schedule made it much easier for me to go back to work which I hated doing.

Emily took her first trip over Memorial Day weekend to Anaheim to meet her great-grandfather and watch her daddy play in a basketball tournament. For a 3 1/2 month old, she was great. She cried in the car at the beginning, but then she fell asleep and slept the whole way. We came home from California on Memorial Day. That Wednesday, May 28th, I dropped Emily off as usual at the sitter's. She looked at me as I left with these eyes that kind of said, "you're going?" But she was smiling and seemed fine. Earlier that morning, Eric had fed her before leaving for work, and he said that she kind of had sad eyes and acted like she didn't want him to leave too. Neither of us had thought much of it at the time, but the guilt we both felt after...

At 11:20 am a Glendale police officer arrived at my office and told me there had been an accident at my sitter's house involving my daughter, but he wouldn't tell me what was wrong with her. I couldn't imagine what had happened. The first thing that came to my mind was that she fell in the pool, but when I asked him, he said no. I asked him if she was still alive and he hesitated, but said yes. I prayed to God that she was still alive. I didn't care what was wrong with her as long as she was alive.

When I arrived at the hospital, there were paramedics, police officers, doctors, nurses, and social workers everywhere. They took me into a room and told me that Emily had stopped breathing, and they thought she died of SIDS. I couldn't believe it. Here was this perfectly healthy little girl who hadn't been sick a day in her life. How could she just stop breathing?

My mom arrived shortly after, and we cried together as I asked question after question (to which there were no satisfying answers). We waited for Eric to arrive from his office in Mesa. When he came, we went into the room where Emily was and held our lifeless baby in disbelief. We spent a few hours with her as both of our families arrived, and we all said our goodbyes.

We went to a Compassionate Friends meeting five days after Emily died and to our first SIDS meeting eight days later. We have continued to go to every SIDS meeting since and find that they are helpful. It's good to talk to people who have walked in similar shoes and to hear everyone's stories. I guess if anything good was to come of Emily's death, it is that we've met some really nice people at the meetings and have made some good friends.

It has been four months since Emily's death at the time I am writing this article. That is longer than we had her with us. I have incredible anger inside of me just thinking about that.

It is still very hard, but I have to admit that it does get a little easier every day. I take a step backward for every few steps forward, but I am slowly moving forward. We just try to go on day by day and are hoping to have another baby soon. This time we are hoping for a girl, but healthy still comes first. Actually, we just want a baby that is going to live. How much our views have changed. I never thought that we would be praying for a healthy baby who will live to be older than 3 1/2 months.

We will never forget Emily, and the pain will never go away, but we continue to live in her memory. The support of our family and friends helps tremendously. We are truly thankful for being blessed with our perfect little girl if only for a short while.